Transformation: The Art of Becoming Real

Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?' 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

― Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

I can’t possibly speak for anyone else so, on my behalf and mine alone, I must say that transformation isn’t easy. It isn’t pretty, it isn’t blissful and it sure as hell isn’t anything I would compare to a state of Nirvana.

Transformation, to me is uncomfortable. It’s messy, ugly, mucky, murky, beautiful, freeing, mystical and surprisingly, grounded in my body. And it is found in the here and now. 

 A lot of the time, it feels as if nothing is happening. It won’t be until that “same old problem or pattern” comes around again – making things seem as if nothing has changed – that upon closer inspection, proves to me things are indeed changing. Time is involved, and patience is required.

Labels, people and perspectives I’ve grown up with are falling away, and that’s painful. How I meet the world is now completely different than it was even 2 years ago and that can sometimes be confusing. My creative/spiritual practice and small but mighty tribe are the glue that help me to hold it all together….as I gain the courage to let it all fall apart.

Maybe transformation has been more painful for me because I was numb and cynical most of my life – a walking callous hiding behind sardonic wit, eye rolls and an “us and them” philosophy– and now, as I allow things to drop away and unfold, my heart has begun to function without as much armor encasing her and is slowly cracking open.

So, yes….this transformation thing isn’t sexy or blissful. It is however an amazing experience to behold and a REAL way of being I would not change for any reason.